Holding Space on October 15
Today, October 15, is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day. Families everywhere pause to honor the babies they carried, loved, and lost. Tonight at 7:00 p.m., people in every time zone will light a candle for one hour, creating a continuous Wave of Light around the world: a reminder that no family grieves alone.
This kind of loss is far more common than most people realize, and far less often spoken about. Parents lose more than a baby; they lose a future they had already begun to imagine. Too often, that grief is met with silence. What families need most is simple: someone who will stay, listen, and say their baby mattered. Someone to say their baby’s name out loud.
One of the major reasons I became a doula is because I know a young woman who experienced the heart-shattering loss of her son at full term; and that was not her only loss. She told of her doula and her midwife whom she felt provided much needed support during that dark, dark time. Hearing her story, I came to understand that when such a loss happens, a doula can fill a much needed role. A doula can hold that space, offer honest, compassionate support, and provide practical ways to memorialize and remember a child.
Why a Doula Matters When Birth Includes Loss
Doulas are often pictured at joyful births, but our role has never depended on how a birth unfolds. We support families through whatever comes, and that commitment matters most when the outcome is not the one anyone hoped for. A doula can offer:
A steady presence. A calm, familiar person in the room can make an overwhelming experience feel less frightening and less lonely.
Time and gentle guidance. We help families understand their options and choose at their own pace: holding their baby, bathing and dressing them, or inviting loved ones to meet them.
Lasting memories. We can help gather keepsakes such as photographs, footprints, and handprints, which many parents later treasure deeply.
Advocacy and physical care. We help share the family's wishes with the care team and offer comfort as the body recovers from birth.
Support in the weeks ahead. Grief does not end at discharge. Follow-up visits, a phone call on a hard day, and connection to support groups help families feel held long after.
How You Can Honor Today
Light a candle at 7:00 p.m. If you know a family who has experienced loss, say their baby's name or send a short note to let them know you remember. And if today is heavy for you, be gentle with yourself.
To every parent who has said goodbye too soon: your baby was real, your love is real, and your grief is real. If you are facing a loss or are pregnant after a loss, please reach out. No one should walk this path alone.
